Glen Beck Fights Back!
Launches Verbal Attack
Glen Beck lacks even the acuity
To create credible stupidity.
Glen Beck Responds to Dan's Poetic Critiques:
EDITOR'S NOTE: This is Glen Beck 's official apocryphal response to CitizenPoet.com's poetic epigrams poking goodnatured fun at Glen Beck's political positions and some of the strange things he believes, like, for example, American Indians are remnants of the Lost Tribes of Israel. Or that Jesus came to America after the crucifixion. He thinks there are multiple Gods ruling millions of universes, in the baptism of dead Jews, and that any man with a working apparatus and a compliant wife-servant can become a God. Given that Beck believes all of these weird things, why would anybody in his right mind give him any credibility? At any rate, any idiot is free to say anything he wants, and Beck has the same freedom as any other idiot. At any rate and without further Tullamore Dew is Glenn Beck's unedited response:
GLEN BECK'S RESPONSE:
I have read the epigrams written by Dan Speers that have been posted on his web site, CitizenPoet.com. He is a biased poet. He is also one of the idiots of which I speak or spoke, or wrote, in my book, which I really plan to read pretty soon since people keep asking me about it.
Anyway, while he takes the usual liberal liberties with the actual facts, I recognize that he is a typical Commie, pinko, lying, bedwetting liberal, so it is my duty to correct the facts as we know they ought to be.
Think about this:
I am a man. Does this mean I hate women?
I am Caucasian. Does this mean I hate Eskimoes?
I eat Eskimo Pies. Does this mean I hate Peking Duck?
I had Peking Duck once in San Francisco. Does this mean I hate gay guys with blue eyes and moist lips and blonde tossled hair and who wear tight white pants and God, he was so hot and the Mai Tais were so sweet and there was this beautiful bulge that . . .?
I have a religion. Most Americans have a religion. We live in America. The last time I checked, the Constitution of the United State of America guarantees those of us who have a religion in America the freedom to believe in that religion and the freedom to practice that religion because we are guaranteed the freedom of religion and the freedom to practice that religion regardless of our creed, color, blue eyes and blonde tossled hair and the pursuit of freedom, religion or our religious briefs, weird or not.
We know that in America we do not question each other's religions unless the other religion is muslim or hiphop or Lutheran or Rotarian because questioning religion is not only unConstitutional, it's unAmerican. Once these atheists get in your schools, you'll soon have your sons and daughters reading Catcher in the Rye and Mein Kampt and quoting Mao Zedong and the last thing you want is your son and daughters thinking about is Zedong, which is the last time I checked part of the homosexual agenda.
You think your daughters will be looking at pictures of Levi Johnston in PlayGirl? Well, yes, they will, but so will your sons. It's all part of the plot to corrupt your children, using Saint Palin to tempt your children the way Bristol was tempted by that divining rod between Levi's legs and what I think is that boy just got her daughter drunk while Sarah was away potting a wolf or two from low flying plane, which is all part of the liberal lifestyle agenda to draw them into their web of sex and free love and sweat and smells and God, were those white pants tight or what? I mean, Joseph Smith and Hot Moroni Baloney, you can't get an egg hard unless the water's boiling, I mean bubbling right up through the crack and sweating it out big time.
Since we know all liberals are going to hell, we are honor bound to get back as many as we can, even if we have to baptise them after they're dead, just like we baptise all those dead Jews, so we don't care if you're Jewish or not because when you die, we're going to make you Christians and the yoke's on you, so to speak. Oh, and if they didn't marry the right Christian, no worries. We'll just have a mock wedding with party after and have sex with my best friend's sister.
So about this Dan Speers person. For one thing, his first name starts with D, and that is just one letter past C, which is the initial for Communism and that stands for Commie, don't you see how even the word 'see' rhymes with C, and that's just for starters. Here's the kicker. C also rhymes with something else. Now what could that be. B? And not only B, but D. Yes, I know. You're as shocked as I am, but you think that's it? That's all? No. There's more. Speers. Sa-Peeeerrrrs. Let it roll off your tongue. S-p-e-e-r-s. Speers starts with an S and you know what else starts with an S? Soup. That's what. Think about it. Soup. Soup kitchens. Socialist soup kitchens. And yes, Sex. Sex starts with an S. Sex. Think about it. Sex fiend. Socialism. What does that remind me of? Let me think. Oh, yesss. Socialistic sex in socialist soup kitchens where they have socialist sex with God knows what socialist sex sous chefs, male or female, female or male wih blue eyes, moist lips and blonde tossled hair with with tight white sous chef pants and round bubble b---, oh sweet, Moroni macaroni Musilini and cheese, sweet chesus, hold the phone, God, I'm coming, I'm coming home.
Back after this.