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Dan Speers

Citizen Poet
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Jabs at the Foolish and Profance
Sharpened Speers

Casual lines written over time, some dated, some faded, and some, frankly, addlepated.
Poetry has it's own way of reflecting on current events, and in particular, the sillier and more foolish aspects of society. Sometimes the humor or insight, if any, transcends time in a sort of universal observation that remains true even though the characters and attitudes change. Sometimes, the meaning of the poem is lost altogether, either because the situation no longer exists or has corrected itself, or simply because the subject of the poem has passed away. Yet, oddly, the poem itself never grows old.

Walden Pond in Concord, MA
Unbelievable People
Ann Coulter:
Ann Coulter's such a backwards lass

Farts from her mouth; talks out her ass.

Sarah Palin, Levi Johnston:


Folks in Alaska have it rough.

Sarah Palin pulled out too soon,

Levi Johnston not soon enough.


Mitt Romney:

Romney in Boston once did live,

Mitt, the myth, in Mormon corsets,

Put the Con in Conservative,

And the ass in Massachusetts.

Sen. John Kyl, Rep. John Boehner:

Sen. John Kyle of Arizona,

Got in bed with Rep. John Boehner.

The Stimulous Plan made them pout

So they pulled a Palin and pulled out.


--of politics and bedfellows

Carol Rove:

Roving Minds


NEWS ITEM - April 7, 2009 - In what some are calling a textbook case of blatant hypocrisy, Republican strategist Carl Rove called Vice President Biden a "liar" over Biden's claim to have scolded former President Bush in a private meeting.

    Ignoring contemporaneous reports and historical records pertaining to former Vice President Dick Cheney, Rove said "You should not exaggerate and lie like this when you are vice president of the United States."


 Brain Sharing


            "Biden's lying," sure sounds insane,

          ‘Til you ponder the source of it.

           It does explain Rove-Bush's brain.

           One-half brain equals one-half wit.

Sen. John Ensign, Nevada:
  Nevada Senator John Ensign, a staunch supporter of the religious right, was forced to admit having an affair with an aide who is also the wife of a staffer. He also employed the son of both on his staff. Although he attacks the liberal Eastern establishment, he does have one thing in common with New Yorkers. He likes to play around in the Hamptons (which, as luck would have it, is the name of the aide, the staffer and the son).

     I'm a Hamptons' fan, the senator said,

     Some work on my staff, and some I embed.


He's Back. Resurrection of an old story because the old story is new again. Turns out the senator found a job for the  husband as a lobbyist, the one-year rule not withstanding.

Rep. Lynn Jenkins, Kansas

When Kansas Rep. Lynn Jenkins

Weirds out with “a great white hope,”

She may not see de-meaning,

But de-mirror can show her de-dope.

  This first-time congresswoman called for "a great white hope" to help Republicans defeat Barack Obama. She says she didn't know that the phrase has racist origins. I dunno, back in elementary school I was always told to look up a word or phrase before I used it in a conversation or an essay or political rally.


Betsy McCaughey, Fool and Fooler:

Betsy McCaughey lies herewith

Antiphrasis of her own myth.

  'Death Panel' myth maker Betsy McCaughey who claimed that Democratic health care reforms will create "death panels" became the subject of widespread ridicule after appearing on "The Daily Show" Thursday where Jon Stewart skewered her positions on health care reform.

Have I got this story straight?

Betsy McCaughey is such a liar

Her death panel myths caught on fire

With all real news but the one that's fake

Yet, real, when Jon Steward fires her?

John Mackkay, CEO, Whole Foods:


Is Crow a Gourmet Dish at Whole Foods?


  Whole Foods CEO John Mackkay waded into the healthcare fray, writing an op ed piece in the Wall Street Journal that attacked many of the perceived benefits of the Democratic drive to cover all Americans. His views did not sit well with his previously loyal customer base made up of a large number of liberal patrons who now promoting a boycott of his stores. He had to have been drinking some of his own Whole Foods Fruity-Aid.

Whole Foods McKay stirs health care pot,

Feeds loyal fans poppycock.

He's had his say, so now guess what:

Whole foods rot if fans boycott.

Glen Beck:


  At Your Beck'n Cull

  Glen Beck deploring violence,warned his disciples that "just one lunatic, like Timothy McVeigh, could ruin everything." In a skit three days later, he gave a glass of wine to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi,saying, "I put poison in your -- no, I -- I look forward to all the policy discussions that we're supposed to have." 

    Glenn Beck who yet professes calm
    Implores his flock to do no harm
    Does poisoned wine belie aplomb?

  On recent shows, Glenn Beck has been consumed by the tenuous or tangential "connections" he alone seems to see between ACORN and the following people and groups: AmeriCorps, AARP, Judge Sonia Sotomayor, PRLDEF, and SEIU. Beck has also fearmongered about ACORN while attacking President Obama and his policies.

     Science says an acorn's a nut what
     Turns into an oak. A Beck's what
     An ACORN turns into a nut.

   The Drudge Report, while linking to an article on discussions about a possible excise tax on cosmetic surgery, posted photos of Vice President Joe Biden and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) on July 27 alongside a headline stating, "Don't go there:? Dems Eye 10%?Tax on Botox, Cosmetic Surgery." On Fox News' Fox & Friends the next morning, Fox News host Glenn Beck parroted Drudge's smear, stating, "We should ask Joe Biden or Nancy Pelosi how much they would pay for that face."


    When Druge posts smears he fails to check,

    Beck does, too, which goes to prove,

    Drudge rhymes with sludge,

                                        and Beck with dreck.


A government that represses dissent
Is a government pressing its descent. 
The greater there is uncertainty
The more dogmatic the certainty.
Praise from an enemy, delight.
From a friend, delight. Than take flight.
No harm will come to your reputation
Unless, of course, you provide the weapon.
All poems authored and copyright by Dan Speers 2009, 2010
Oh, ye of little faith . . .

   Mix and match not a marriage makes,

   It gives Kentucky church the shakes.

Viva la difference . . .
If proof we're all the same you seek,
Then cite as proof, we're all unique.
Expectations . . .
I fully expect to die young,
No matter how old I become.
             ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Life's primary prerequisite
Requires dying to get by it.
             ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I never came this way before,
Do I open, or close the door?
                   ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~
Is the pursuit of happiness
Often happier than success?
                   ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~
There will always be mountains too high
Or not high enough. Depends on the eye.
Reality. . .
It's my mind what's hearty and hale,
My body's what's farty and frail.
                 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The weapons of war I most fear,
Are words of hate we never hear.
             ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I never was told how young I appear
When I was old at a much younger year.
                ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I'd call in sick but what's perverse
Is I'm ashamed I don't feel worse.
Read it out loud . . .


   My love affair with food has been weighted,

   My belly is now delapidated.


Speed dieting . . .
Tempted by it?
Don't try it.
On a diet?
Don't buy it.

Parting ways . . .

When anger fuels the division,
Divorce is a split decision.
            ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Romance provides to some a way
      from misery to ecstacy.
Marriage provides to some a way,
     from ecstacy to misery.
Love, of course, can go either way.
            ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
While starlight charms the lover's heart,
In an expanding universe
Even stars grow further apart.
The call of the sea. . .
If your're at sea, you can prevail.
Don't pray for wind, learn how to sail.
                 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Sailing through life, you can't go back.
But you can try another tack.

Recession's impact on charitable giving . . .

Sweet charity, it's to yourself you give
Through gifts to others you forever live.
There's no pleasing some people . . .
For some, the key to happiness
Unlocks the shackles of distress.
On hiding from others and ourselves:
What we try so hard to conceal,
Our enemies leap to reveal.
               ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
 He who says he has nothing to conceal,
Fights tooth and nail his nothing to reveal.
                 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The more truth you try to obscure,
The more your truth can be skewered.
Ambivalence may seem ambiguous.
Failure to commit, say wits, dubious.
Bisexuous, yes. To us, obvious. 
Ambivalence Redux:
Was there ever a poet so depraved
That in his bid for eternal admiration
Once a pun upon a rhyme he gave
Was so appalling it set generations
Of poets spinning in their graves
In wordless admurmuration?
               ~ ~ ~ ~
Sometimes, I think, Well,
And then again, I don't know
Was what the elders used to say
When I was young. Well
I didn't know what the hell
They were talking about then
Or now, but like them I knew
It didn't matter. It was just
Something to say, to fill up air
Saying something that
Never was. Using words
That never were.
Once again, the mirror . . .
We looked to the stars
There was nothing in our way
Except us. Of course.
     Take care that what you most despise
     Lies not within the mirrored eyes.
Our Local School Board's Failure to Mandate Real Sex Education in our High School: 
Bias guided your sex ed selection,
Now, absent immaculate conception,
Proof of Abstinence Only's rejection
Are the babies born from miss-conception.
On being smart . . .
I think the reason I know
     how little I know
Is because I really know
     how little I know.
The wisest course for some

Is simply to play dumb.

The measure of a gentleman . . .
A man's culture depends
On how gracious he does linger
And whether he extends
His middle or his little finger.
All poems authored and copyright by Dan Speers (c) 2009, 2010