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Dan Speers

Citizen Poet
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Citizen Poet Takes on . . .

 

Tiger Woods: Ten Ways to Play the Lie  

 

It's rich with humor, with lots of fun and inside information on golf and the men who knock little balls around. Even if you don't play golf, you'll read this book to find out why men cheat. Chose between electronic and paperback editions, or for a personalized autographed edition, see below. 

 

 

 

Citizen Poet Takes on . . .

 

Tiger Woods:

Ten Ways to Play the Lie

 

Been a while since he played around,

How now will Tiger Woods go down?

 

Tiger Woods has to do his thing,

Prove he still knows how to swing.

 

Tiger Woods unites wife and golf;

Better a kiss than a kiss off.

 

On Tiger Woods, a book I brought

It was not as hard as I thought.

 

On the Come Back Trail

 

The Tiger Woods fist pump is back;

Anything else earns him a whack.

 

Tiger Woods getting back to par

Driving balls instead a car.

 

Tiger Woods still well under par

Needs to stroke faster to go far.

 

Tiger Woods rejects paddy stack

Now gambling on a golf comeback

 

Out of the bush but in the rough,

Does Tiger Woods have the right stuff?

 

The Tiger Woods gossip status:

The Pros now claiming hiatus.

 

Tiger Woods getting back in swing,

Takes up playing with balls again.

 

Playing a Round

 

For Tiger Woods, a mistress

Was what seemed to be a Miss,

Between him and his mattress.

 

They say Tiger Woods played a round,

A new nineteenth hole there he found.

 

On Tiger Woods we can rely,

Even Pros can have a bad lie.

 

Tigers Woods has played in foursomes,

Five-, six- and wow, a lot moresomes.

 

Tiger Woods does not feel whole

Started when he played the wrong hole

 

Tiger Woods, famed for his hits and misses,

We know the hits that came from his Mrs.,

But the count on misses still amasses.

 

Tiger Woods may not feel quite whole,

Started when he played  the wrong hole.

 

 

On Oscar Night, Tiger Was Out

 

Oscars have cut the Tiger Woods jokes

Confusing the jabs for the strokes.

 

Tiger Woods is still in the rough

And we all know withdrawal is tough.

 

Around and around Tiger ran

From this hole to that and back again.

 

 Sex addiction excuse conceals,

Tiger Woods' own lack of scruples.

 

We got the goods on Tiger Woods,

It's true! He was into piece goods.

  

You'd thinkTiger Woods, a pro, would

Know hole in one is hard with wood.

 

If you shanked your balls in the woods,

Would you use wood of Tiger Woods?

  

"Feel" is Tiger's secret to golf

But his is done with his clothes off.

 

Tiger Woods is so good with his thing

 He now gives tips on how to swing.

 

Doses Tiger do the dance

With or without his pants?

 

Tiger Woods strayed into the bush;

Needs 5-wood that ball to flush

        

Jamie's pix show Tiger Woods would

What they show is Tiger Woods' wood.

Jamie Jungerclaims she took photos

of Tiger passed out naked on her couch.

She says affair lasted two years. She is 26.

 

Tiger Woods sex-texted love notes rough

Looks like his withdrawal is tough. 

 

Do We Bi the Story?

 

Tiger Woods had no parrot it is true,

But now they say he had a Cockatoo.

-On news that TW may be bisexual.

 

Wow here comes Tiger Woods again

But with a man, a Mulligan.

 

Tiger Woods explains bi conflict,

Started with holes, went to addict.

 

Tiger Woods wasn't always bi in bed;

He got sucked into it, he said.

 

Is Tiger Woods a sex addict

Or is this a buy/bi conflict?

 

If with a man and woman swing,

Did Tiger Woods blow a good thing?

 

All content, including poems, copyright 2010 by Dan Speers.
All rights reserved.
 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 At Last!

The Naked Truth

about Tiger Woods

 

He had everything. Fame, fortune, a beautiful wife, a wonderful family and children. The best golfer in the world. Hundreds of millions of dollars in product endoresements. But he wanted more. And the more was sex. From other women. And maybe men.

 

Why did he cheat?

Who were the mistresses?

How many other women were there?

 

Ten Ways to Play the Lie looks at ten different reasons why men cheat on their wives. Each chapter opens with a poetic barb taken the from the author's new media website, www.CitizenPoet.com, which offers daily aphorisms in the form of epigrams that take on morals, politicians, entertainers, sports figures and other news makers. Here's how Chapter 6 opens:



Naked on her sofa, indeed. But, of course, we expose a lot more.


Popular and famous golfers contribute golfing stories and comments, with unique and funny explanations of the various implements involved in hitting balls around a course. The Tiger Woods Golf Dictionary runs throughout the book, offering unusual definitions and sideways explanations of golfing terms, actions and people.




Tiger Wood's redefined golf, and the daffy golf definitions you find here you'll be repeating for years.

 

In addition to a special section on the Ten Reasons Why Tiger Woods Confused Sex and Golf, which are suitable for retelling on any green, the books devotes an appendix to the most popular and oft-repeated Tiger Woods jokes, some of which probably should only be repeated by caddies.

 

And the big question in many peoples' minds: How many mistresses did Tiger Woods have? Each of the 17 women who have been intimated, named or self-identified are described in a sdetail-by-detail listing, including the allegation by one woman who is currently shopping a book that she witnessed Woods involved with another man. According to this mistress, Woods liked bisexual play, both male and female.

 

This is the Table of Contents:




In the end, it all comes down to a book that you'll love from page 1.

 

Tiger Woods: Ten Ways to Play the Lie is filled with humor, and lots of salacious satire, and just in case there are some readers who actually care about playing the game, of golf, there is one chapter devoted to Ten Essential Excuses for Playing Golf.


Reason Number 10: I called in sick at work.That might do it except that the Tiger Woods Golf Dictionary in Chapter 2 lists as one definition for the golfing term, Bail out as: Exiting a golf cart if, after calling into work sick, one later spots the boss on the course.

 

 Buy It Now!

The Paperback:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~~~~~~~

The eBooks:

 

Buy it now. Download and start reading the book in minutes.

 

 

Kindle

 

PDF

 

iPAD

 

$1.99

 

eBooks available from www.Essential10.com

Choose the format that works for you.

 

~~~~~~~

Author Autograhed:

  

AUTHOR AUTOGRAPHED SPECIAL:Order the paperback here and I'll send you an autographed copy of this exciting new book. Guaranteed.

 The special deal is $10 total, includes personally hand-autographed book, first class shipping, and all handling charges. Please allow 10 days. Enter any special autographing instructions (Name, any details, suggested inscription) at check-out. Sorry, only one book per special order but you many enter as many orders as you like.

 

~~~~~~~

The only book that contains the reasons for cheating that Tiger Woods himself confirmed:

 

The Ten Reasons for Tiger Woods' Sexcapades

 

IT'S TRUE! At his press event Tiger Woods actually confirmed the many of the ten reasons why he, Tiger Woods, cheated on his wife--the same ten reasons you can read about in this timely and provocative book, and yes, it includes the ones he talked about AND the ones  he didn't.


Here's what reviewers are saying . . .

 

Mario Piperni:

 

"Good stuff."


"I expected this book to be funny--and it IS hilarious. But also it has lots of good info about golf, famous golfers, and easy-to-follow explanations of golfing jargon. Loved it and am buying for all my golfing friends!"

 

--CeeCee (Kindle)

 


From the Lamp Lighter column in Haverhill Gazette

 

Dan Speers, Haverhill's "Citizen Poet," was the recipient of some good timing . . . when golfer Tiger Woods held a
news conference to issue his mea culpa.

 

Speers is the author of "Tiger Woods: Ten Ways to Play the Lie," a satirical look at golf, swinging (ahem) and ... well, lying.

 

Here's a sample from the
section of the book's Tiger Woods Dictionary:

 

Preferred Lie: 1.
An implication that a player may have moved his ball to improve
his lie. 2. The lie that convinces one's wife that there is no mistress."

 

The book is available for the Kindle reader and and other eBooks online and . . . in print. Visit
www.Essential10.com or

Amazon.com